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Probe Ministries > Q & A: Probe Answers Our Email > Marriage / Family > Can Cheaters Remarry Without Living in Adultery?

Can Cheaters Remarry Without Living in Adultery? Print E-mail

I want to know, is oral sex adultery? My friend's husband cheated on her. She divorced him, but before she divorced him, she had sex with another man. She is now divorced and wants to marry the man she later cheated with. Is this ok? Or since they both cheated, can they remarry without living in a continual state of adultery?

First question: Yes, oral sex is adultery. Oral sex is sex. Having sex with a person when you're married to someone else is adultery. So oral sex is adultery. (Here's a question that moves this question from the hypothetical to the real world: Ask anyone who's married how they would feel about their spouse having oral sex with a third party, and if it constitutes cheating. Most people [those without seared consciences, at least!] would quickly assure you they wouldn't want their spouse even kissing another person, much less getting far more intimate than that!)

Second question: It's not so much the living in a continual state of adultery, but the permanent mental stain of having been adulterers that can never go away, even if they are forgiven and cleansed spiritually. (This is what I hear from people who experience it.) Both people would be marrying people who have demonstrated that they are cheaters. Second marriages have an extremely high failure rate, but it's even higher for those that begin in adultery.

What a sad question. It makes my heart hurt. But I'm glad you asked.

Sue Bohlin

© 2007 Probe Ministries

About the Author

Sue BohlinSue Bohlin is an associate speaker with Probe Ministries. She attended the University of Illinois, and has been a Bible teacher and conference speaker for over 35 years. She is a frequent speaker for MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) and Stonecroft Ministries (Christian Women's Connections), and serves on the board and as a small group leader of Living Hope Ministries, a Christ-centered outreach to those dealing with unwanted homosexuality. Sue is on the Women's Leadership Team and is a regular contributor to's Tapestry Blog. She is also a professional calligrapher and the webmistress for Probe Ministries; but most importantly, she is the wife of Dr. Ray Bohlin and the mother of their two grown sons. Her personal website is

What is Probe?

Probe Ministries is a non-profit ministry whose mission is to assist the church in renewing the minds of believers with a Christian worldview and to equip the church to engage the world for Christ. Probe fulfills this mission through our Mind Games conferences for youth and adults, our 3-minute daily radio program, and our extensive Web site at

Further information about Probe's materials and ministry may be obtained by contacting us at:

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