I am a father with a heavy heart. . . .our son is living a homosexual lifestyle. He is nearly 40 years of age. We have known and lived with this for over 10 years. At first we were devastated. He was raised in a Christian home and he made a profession of faith while a teenager, but after college he moved to ________ to work.
He did seek some counseling at first, but for whatever reason he did not find the quality of help that he was seeking, and so began a drift away from church and the Lord. For several years following, we as parents tried to make suggestions and made comments to encourage him to seek professional help and trust the Lord again. He was very resentful of any comments concerning anything religious or concerning his lifestyle. So not to drive him away from us, we have just resorted to prayer that the Holy Spirit will bring about a renewing and transformation and that the scales that Satan has put over his eyes would be removed.
And of course we have made extra efforts to let him know that we love him very much. His plans are now to move across the country, and I know that being that far away will make communication even more difficult. Now to my question. . . How do I approach him again after all these years that will not cause the wall of resentment to be built again? How and what do you recommend that would be a positive approach since he is a grown man and does not appear to want to change or seek the Lord in making a transition?
Sue, I have faith and have been faithful in my prayer life for him and I know that since he give his life to the Lord and was saved, the Lord holds on to him even though he is not holding on the the Lord now. Looking forward to your response.
I am so sorry for the heartbreak you are experiencing over your son. I'm sure you realize it is even magnified in the Father's heartache over him.
I do have several suggestions. First, get a copy of the excellent book Someone I Love is Gay by Anita Worthen and Bob Davies. That's for you.
Secondly, keep praying. That is the most effective thing you can do, and the Lord honors it. I have heard, personally, several testimonies of those who have left the lifestyle who say that their parents loved them and wouldn't stop praying, and that's why they left "the life."
Third, I suggest you say something to him, very simply, without emotion, and you only need to say it once: "Son, I just want you to know that if you get to the point where your life isn't working for you, I do know where to find resources to help, and I'll be here to walk through it with you." Then you leave the ball in his court. I promise he won't ever forget it, but it takes awhile to move past the denial and spiritual deception that is part of the "gay is OK" mindset. In the meantime, go to the Exodus website (exodus.to) and sign up for their monthly newsletter, which will be an encouragement to you and educational too. When and if your son gets to the point of saying, "OK, Dad, what about the way out?" then give him John and Anne Paulk's book Love Won Out, which is the story of how both of them left the gay lifestyle. (After that book, I would recommend Coming Out of Homosexuality by Bob Davies and Lori Rentzel.)
I hope this helps.
About the Author
Sue Bohlin is an associate speaker with Probe Ministries. She attended the University of Illinois, and has been a Bible teacher and conference speaker for over 35 years. She is a frequent speaker for MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) and Stonecroft Ministries (Christian Women's Connections), and serves on the board and as a small group leader of Living Hope Ministries, a Christ centered outreach to those dealing with unwanted homosexuality. Sue is on the Bible.org Women's Leadership Team and is a regular contributor to Bible.org's Tapestry blog. She is also a professional calligrapher and the webmistress for Probe Ministries; but most importantly, she is the wife of Dr. Ray Bohlin and the mother of their two grown sons. Her personal website is suebohlin.com.
What is Probe?
Probe Ministries is a non-profit ministry whose mission is to assist the church in renewing the minds of believers with a Christian worldview and to equip the church to engage the world for Christ. Probe fulfills this mission through our Mind Games conferences for youth and adults, our 3-minute daily radio program, and our extensive Web site at www.probe.org.
Further information about Probe's materials and ministry may be obtained by contacting us at:
2001 W. Plano Parkway, Suite 2000
Plano TX 75075