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How Can I Help My Gay Friend? Print E-mail

I have a friend who confessed to me that she was gay. I was shocked...but yet...something inside of me knew that there was something different about her. I have been searching of ways to tell her about the truth. Please has been so easy for me to lead others to the truth...but with her...I'm baffled. I have been speaking to her over the Internet mostly. She has had close family members that have been diagnosed with cancer, etc. I've been helping her stand on the word by giving her Biblical scriptures on healing. I "gently" tell her in a roundabout way (when given the opportunity) about sins in our lives etc...etc...etc...

I'm trying to tell her that God loves her but not the way she's living her life. As you can tell... I'm even having a hard time explaining it to you. I wish I knew of a book that helps Christians talk to gays to lead them to the truth. She once told me that men were so iffy and that her girlfriends treated her better. I should have caught on then...but I didn't. I don't think she's ready to give up this lifestyle...but I can't go on acting as though it's not a problem. I try to stay away from talking about this issue with her. She has a girlfriend at this time and lives about 3 hours from where I live. I just thought you may know of something that may help me minister to her or help me to understand before I leap out there and push her further away from knowing the truth. She is always sending me thank you notes saying that she knows that there was a reason why we met and that she would not be where she is with God if we didn't meet. Honestly...I couldn't believe her attitude. She started going to a Christian church...joined a Bible study from Genesis to Revelation... stood in faith for a job (when she lost hers). It's like God is doing all He can to show her He's real, but deep down in my heart...I feel she's lost in another way. Before I keep going on....I'll close and ask again.... Do you know of anything that will help me to reach her God's way?  

I am so glad to hear of your friendship with this dear lady who needs the freedom Jesus offers!! You should know that almost all the people involved in Exodus ministries (leaving homosexuality--check their website at did so because of friends and family who showed a willingness to BE THERE for them and love them through the process of change.

Yes, there is a book I would strongly recommend, Love Won Out by John and Anne Paulk, both former homosexuals who found freedom in Christ (then married each other). I am currently discipling a lady who left the lesbian lifestyle after reading this book. May I suggest that a good way to offer it is to say, "If you ever get to the point where your life isn't working for you, you might want to read this book." It's not threatening, and it leaves the door open to pursue something different when the Lord reveals truth to her. And nothing will change apart from HIM allowing her to see the truth instead of being deceived by the enemy. Which is why your prayers for her are of utmost importance.

If you want to educate yourself to better know how to minister to her, read Someone I Love Is Gay by Anita Worthen and Bob Davies. It's written for friends and family of those in the lifestyle.

I hope this helps; I know these resources have helped many, many other people in exactly your shoes.

In His grip,


About the Author

Sue BohlinSue Bohlin is an associate speaker with Probe Ministries. She attended the University of Illinois, and has been a Bible teacher and conference speaker for over 35 years. She is a frequent speaker for MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) and Stonecroft Ministries (Christian Women's Connections), and serves on the board and as a small group leader of Living Hope Ministries, a Christ-centered outreach to those dealing with unwanted homosexuality. Sue is on the Women's Leadership Team and is a regular contributor to's Tapestry Blog. She is also a professional calligrapher and the webmistress for Probe Ministries; but most importantly, she is the wife of Dr. Ray Bohlin and the mother of their two grown sons. Her personal website is

What is Probe?

Probe Ministries is a non-profit ministry whose mission is to assist the church in renewing the minds of believers with a Christian worldview and to equip the church to engage the world for Christ. Probe fulfills this mission through our Mind Games conferences for youth and adults, our 3-minute daily radio program, and our extensive Web site at

Further information about Probe's materials and ministry may be obtained by contacting us at:

Probe Ministries
2001 W. Plano Parkway, Suite 2000
Plano TX 75075
(972) 941-4565

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